With the weather getting warmer, I was recently rummaging through my front hall closet, looking for a less heavy jacket to wear. Trying to find a light jacket, I had to push through many coats. Some of these coats are still ‘good friends’ that I enjoy wearing, some are from earlier iterations of my life, and some are my husbands, currently used or, as with some of mine, from previous periods in our lives. I realized that, while the closet is not huge, it would appear bigger and feel more spacious if we cleared out the coats that are no longer of use to us, but could be to others.
As I started to pull some out, I reflected on how hard it’s been to let these jackets go. While I do like to clean things out, I remembered why these particular ones had not yet been dropped at GoodWill. Some were cloaked in fond memories of wearing them. And some I’d kept because I wasn’t sure if I’d ever ‘need’ them again. Sound familiar?
This got me thinking. Not about the coats, but rather about our minds and hearts—what we hold and store in our minds and hearts, sometimes long, long after certain thoughts serve us. And, that reminded me of something the Buddha often encouraged his monks to do—to hold thoughts, perceptions, images and assumptions lightly so as to be flexible enough in their thinking to expand their view of the world. He urged his followers to clear the mind and seek ways to see the world cleanly and clearly. Not from how we would like the world to be. Not from how we are afraid of the world. But, to see it as it really is.
An example he gave was to imagine a bowl of clean water. In clear water, we can see our own reflection. However, if it is tinged with a color, say red, then the water is now red. In metaphor, the red water symbolizes desire or craving. And desire/craving, left unchecked, can color our thoughts and beliefs and potentially lead us into unwise actions. Alternatively, if the water is hot with anger, it boils and you can’t see your face. If it is covered in algae (think sleepiness or procrastination), you can’t see clearly. If the wind is blowing fiercely (think about how worries and anxiety turn us around and around), we can’t see well. And, finally, if it is filled with mud (a representation of self-doubt), we can’t see anything at all.
Clearing The Waters Of The Mind
As I was mulling all this over, I came across a dharma talk on right effort by Theravada monk Bhante Sanathivahari called Don’t Be Afraid to Indulge in Healthy Thoughts, which focuses on how to replace and protect ourselves from unwholesome states in the mind. I particularly like a story that he shares in the talk from a time before the Buddha became the Buhhda, when he was still a bodhisattva.
The story goes like this…
“The Buddha was conducting experiments in his mind, and one of his first experiments was meditating on greediness, hatred, and violence. When he let these thoughts play out in his mind, he noticed he didn’t feel good. He wasn’t getting further in his spiritual quest, and he was getting even further away from what he was trying to achieve.
So, then he said, ‘I’m going to put those thoughts aside. Putting those aside, let me cultivate the opposite kind of thoughts: Instead of greed, a thought of renunciation, or letting go; instead of anger, a thought of lovingkindness; and instead of cruelty or violence, a thought of compassion or kindness towards others.’ When he practiced this way, he noticed that he felt better and was able to overcome thoughts of greed, hatred, and cruelty.”
This remarkable understanding from 2600 years ago is still very useful and similar to many therapeutic approaches in the 20st and 21st centuries. In its essence, the Buddha (and many therapists today) teach us to notice our thoughts, perceptions, beliefs, assumptions and feelings and to look for how to shift these into ways that can serve us better.
Intertwining Buddhist philosophy with contemporary therapy approaches, parts of the rest of this blog come out of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, better known as ACT. An action-oriented approach to psychotherapy, ACT is based on six core principles (contacting the present moment, defusion, acceptance, self-as-context, values, and committed action) with the overarching goal of achieving psychological flexibility.
An ACT Practice To Clear The Mind: From Obstruction To Seeing Clearly
To engage in this practice, get a pen and piece of paper and find a quiet spot where you can sit comfortably.
Once you’re settled, think of one or two unkind or harsh thoughts that you hold, that you know get in your way, and write these on the piece of paper. Once you’re done writing, hold that piece of paper in the palm of your hands and bring it right up and onto your face. Try to read those phrases as you bring that paper up to your face, even holding the paper to your eyes.
Keeping your hands holding the paper over your eyes, notice what it’s like to BE with this, exploring how much this piece of paper limits your vision. Can you see through it? Probably not well, if so. Can you see how much you miss out on when self-limiting thoughts obstruct your view? Can you see how they preoccupy you and get in the way of you being engaged with the world around you?
In Buddhism, we call this limited vision “identification” with our thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, assumptions, images, music, etc. In ACT, it’s called “fusion.” In my own therapy practice, I usually refer to it as “merger.”
In an identification, fusion, merger state, we get so caught up in our inner world that we lose engagement with the world around us. Or, we make interpretations about the world around us that come from self-limiting beliefs. For instance, we might think that a friend didn’t say hi because she thinks I’m boring—when anything could be going on. We don’t consider other alternatives because we are sure that our mind has told us the truth.
Let’s try something else. Put that piece of paper in front of you again, but this time, keep it at arm’s length. Give all your energy to pushing this piece of paper—these unwholesome thoughts—away, and keep your hand pushing it all away.
Notice how, over time, this becomes very tiring! Also, notice how much of your mind is taken up with focusing on NOT thinking about the thoughts, beliefs, feelings and perceptions that you are trying to avoid.
Many of us attempt to push certain thoughts out of sight. It’s sort of like when we push things to the back of our closets, hoping that by doing so we won’t remember those items and they will simply disappear, which, of course, they won’t. They need us to actively engage with what is nagging at us.
Pushing away—stuffing things in the back of the closet—is, as we know, not the same thing as creating space.
Now, lower your hands, putting your hands and the paper in your lap. Can you see how much more ease you have? Notice what happens when you are cleared of the self-limiting dynamic.
When we create space from what our mind is telling us, we can apply skills to shift ourselves into a more wholesome attitude—an attitude in which we can help ourselves take action and, like in the story of the Buddha mentioned above, change our mindset. But, we can only change our mindset when we see clearly that which is in our own mind, thoughts, perceptions and beliefs that are holding us back.
Decluttering The Mind
The Buddha suggested replacing the harmful thoughts with wholesome ones, encouraging us to use awareness skills to help point us toward what would bring us relief. The following tips are designed to help with decluttering our minds and hearts—and our closets.
Many decluttering experts suggest taking everything out of the “closet” first and making a huge pile—totally clearing out the intended space first. Next, we sort everything from that big pile into smaller piles: items to keep; items to donate or trash; items to hold onto as no clear path is determinable as of yet. Think: Items to go. Items to keep. Items to let be.
And so it also is with thoughts, perceptions, beliefs and judgments about ourselves and others.
The Practice
Start with the very important act of noticing and becoming aware that you are in a fused state, or a moment of fusion, as it’s referred to in ACT.
You’ll know that you’re in a moment of fusion when a thought seems like the absolute truth—that there is no other way to see it. Or, this could be experienced as a command—something that you have to do. It can also present as a fear that seems overwhelming, or something that is totally preoccupying our mind.
When we become aware of the fusion state, noticing that we’re either dwelling or avoiding, we can begin to try using the skill of “defusion.”
To help defuse, you might try to:
Realize that this is simply a thought that lies in your head—most likely a thought you’ve had many many times before—and that it may or may not be true.
Remember that you don’t have to believe or follow the advice this thought would suggest. You have a choice. You can realize it’s simply a thought or words or pictures and it doesn’t have to be listened to. You may also recognize that while this thought might have once been true, it's in the past, like a well-worn coat that once was well-loved, but now fits too snuggly.
Once you see that you don’t have to keep this thought active in your mind, you have essentially made space—as though you have taken all the items out of the closet to evaluate what serves your life now.
You can then shift to applying another concept in ACT called “workability.” Ask yourself if it’s workable to continue to speak to yourself or see yourself in a pejorative way, for example.
You can do this by really asking yourself if a specific thought, belief or judgment really helps you to create a meaningful, loving life. If so, how does it help you?
When you do this, you are sorting thoughts into piles. And, just like we do when we clean out our possessions, you begin the process of choosing between letting go, letting be and letting in.
Active Noticing Helps Clear The Mind
I have been really struck by the invitation from the Buddha to really notice—notice how if our thoughts, emotions and possessions are ones that are beneficial to our overall wellbeing. When we examine each item with this in mind—honestly accessing if certain thoughts, perceptions, ideas or material goods truly serve us now—we become more able to work toward letting go, learning what we need to from our past transgressions, and moving, in this present moment, toward a self that is more liberated from the pain of past behavior. In doing so, we are able to leave the past in the past and create a present that is just that—in the present!
The invitation this month is to pick something, or some things, that you know no longer serve you. Ask yourself what benefit does it serve you to keep yourself fused to these views of yourself and the world around you. And then, with each item or thought, sort into piles of letting go, letting be, letting in.
To help with the practice of noticing, I’ve designed a guided meditation to accompany this blog. The meditation encourages the cultivation of your observing mind, or what the wise Ajahn Cha called, “the one who knows.”
I’ll leave you with this lovely poem by Derek Walcott.
LOVE AFTER LOVE
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Blessings to each of you,
Karen
P.S: If you’re interested in starting or deepening your meditation practice and becoming more skillful in navigating the many aspects of life, you might be interested in my monthly newsletter, Grow Your Inner Wisdom—in the midst of it all. This no-cost newsletter includes a note from me discussing a different theme each month; links to the most current, theme-based blogs, which include recorded guided meditations that you can access and enjoy at no cost; important and/or interesting news and information; suggestions on books, articles and podcasts; and a poem or practice to help you feel into and connect with the theme of the month. If you’re interested, you can sign up here now!
I also offer an online, donation-based meditation class/guided practice every other Monday night at 7:30pm EST in a relaxed and warm setting on Zoom. The only requirement is an interest in increasing mindful awareness and skills through practice and growing your inner wisdom. If you’re interested in beginning, reconnecting with or deepening your meditation practice in community, we’d love for you to join us!Get more details and register here.