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Read blog posts from Karen Walant and learn about issues and ways you can get help and live a happier life.
This month, I’ve been contemplating the holidays and all that this season of lights can bring up—both the positive and the not-so-great aspects—as well as the war and humanitarian crisis occurring in the Middle East. I’ve been thinking a lot about how we can be constricted or expansive in our perspectives and how we might meet ourselves and others with more curiosity, understanding and compassion.
The quality of the relationships we have with others begins with the relationship that we have and continue to cultivate with ourselves. In Western culture, the inner critic in most people runs rampant, and our internal dialogues are often downright mean, if not abusive. Rather than talk to ourselves in loving, supportive and compassionate ways, we often focus on our faults, the places that we "failed" and all that is "wrong" with us, believing that this forceful language will motivate us to up-level our experience, accomplish more and live a "better" life. But all this unkind self-talk really does is put us into a perpetual shame cycle, negatively affecting how we feel about ourselves and how we relate to the people and world around us.
The quality of the relationships we have with others begins with the relationship that we have and continue to cultivate with ourselves. In Western culture, the inner critic in most people runs rampant, and our internal dialogues are often downright mean, if not abusive. Rather than talk to ourselves in loving, supportive and compassionate ways, we often focus on our faults, the places that we "failed" and all that is "wrong" with us, believing that this forceful language will motivate us to up-level our experience, accomplish more and live a "better" life. But all this unkind self-talk really does is put us into a perpetual shame cycle, negatively affecting how we feel about ourselves and how we relate to the people and world around us.
I think it’s fair and safe to say that each of us has encountered a person or group of people that we find it difficult to be around, communicate with and find common ground with. And, it’s also likely that each of us have been harmed, perhaps very deeply, by another who we may hold resentment and ill will toward. There are actions and behaviors that are terrible and so very challenging to forgive. And, there may be people who the mere idea of offering compassion and loving kindness is impossible to do right now and feels unjust. This is a very normal reaction, and the idea of offering kindness to someone we feel has harmed us can feel like a very big ask. The invitation is always to start small and work with someone who is far, far less problematic for you.
The blog posts this month, which is Mental Health Awareness month, will focus on how to practice infusing our awareness with a loving presence and offer ideas, tips and practices to help introduce/strengthen the concept and experience of feeling into the loving, internal presence of the inner nurturer. We'll also explore the idea that self-medicating can be life-affirming when the medicine we use is loving kindness rather than poisonous substances or destructive thoughts or actions.
In alignment with this month’s theme of decluttering to create spaciousness, this post is about forgiveness. Mainly, it details how we can embark on a journey of practicing forgiveness to explore any resentments, wounds or mistakes we’ve made that are stuck in our hearts and how we can bring these persistent hurts into present moment awareness and work with them, ideally letting them go to create more presence, spaciousness and freedom in our lives. When we’re aware of what is happening within our internal landscape, we can begin to see that there are ways to re-work what has happened in our lives and gain wisdom from a re-visit and re-view of what we may be still holding too tight to, which can be of great benefit to our day-to-day, moment-to-moment wellbeing.
With the weather getting warmer, I was recently rummaging through my front hall closet, looking for a less heavy jacket to wear. Trying to find a light jacket, I had to push through many coats. Some of these coats are still ‘good friends’ that I enjoy wearing, some are from earlier iterations of my life, and some are my husbands, currently used or, as with some of mine, from previous periods in our lives. I realized that, while the closet is not huge, it would appear bigger and feel more spacious if we cleared out the coats that are no longer of use to us, but could be to others.
I’m writing this blog on the eve of the spring equinox and cannot think of a better time to continue with this month’s theme of feeling into the reverence of NOW.
On both the spring and fall equinoxes, the Northern Hemisphere and Southern Hemisphere receive equal amounts of sunlight—12 hours each—bringing balance between light and dark on the Earth.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the universality of breath as sacred and how it is a common source of awe and wonder in many religions and ancient societies. I chose to focus on the breath this month because mindful breathing—and the sacred relationship that we can cultivate with the breath—can aid us in strengthening our ability to see, feel and, ideally, deeply connect with, celebrate and hold reverence for all the magnificence that surrounds us each day, as best we can, given what our life circumstances are.
A couple of weeks ago I had to exit a NYC subway station by riding an incredibly steep escalator. As some of you may know, I have a longstanding fear of heights. This escalator was not only pitched at a dramatic incline, but it was a nearly 90 foot ride to get to street level! As soon as my feet were on the stairs and my hand had grasped the railing, I noticed my immediate impulse to get off. And yet, of course, I had to hold myself onto this slow-moving staircase. As I held myself there, I had a choice. A choice about how I was going to handle the anxiety that was bubbling up from within. Many years ago, a not-so-kind inner critic might have arisen, ridiculing me for feeling challenged by doing something that people do everyday. However, I didn’t let that inner critic in. Rather, I called on my inner nurturer, talking to myself in a soothing way, being with myself, and using all of my skills.
This month, the theme is on relationships, attachment and connection, which we can bring into our mindfulness, meditation and intention practices to help us foster thoughtful, nourishing and mindful relationships. When I speak of relationships, I’m referring to the relationship we have with ourselves, with others, and with the world around us.
The Buddha invites us to begin each meditation by reminding ourselves of what it is that we are intending. He suggested there are three main categories to focus an intention meditation on that will grow our heartmind in the most beneficial manner. These are kindness, compassion and showing resolve in the face of cravings. When we are able to remember our intention, we can remain focused on what we are seeking.
In deciding on what to blog about this month, I started thinking about where the word January originated from. From a quick Google search I learned that the name January is derived from the Roman God Janus, the God of doorways, gates and threshold—of beginnings, endings and transitions. Janus has two heads—one looking backward at where we have come from, and one looking into the future to where we want to go. I think that’s so apt for the new year given that for most of us, January is all about both reflecting back and thinking about what it is that we want to create in the new year.
As we’re in the throes of the holiday season, especially as we’re finally and fully moving out of pandemic lockdown, many of us are finding ourselves faced with some uncomfortable situations with family and/or friends and feeling increased stress, including the holiday stress that generally increases this time of year. We may also find ourselves harboring resentments toward others and/or being particularly hard on ourselves, perhaps having a hard time forgiving ourselves for things we have done over this last year that may have caused harm to others or to ourselves.
With Thanksgiving recently past, I’ve been diving into deep contemplation on gratitude, what constitutes goodness and taking in that good. It’s well-known that focusing on gratitude and goodness is an important aspect of living mindfully and doing so helps us show up and live with more compassion, appreciation and joy.
Over the years, I’ve heard a lot about the healing energy of sound—that practices like chanting and using sound bowls have healing properties. However, I never fully understood the healing power of sound until I experienced it firsthand through the beautiful, healing sound of cats’ purring and a subsequent deep dive into the research behind purring and other high vibrational sounds.
I shared this grounding, exploratory walking meditation with the online biweekly meditation group that I facilitate. The group loved this grounding opportunity and the invitations to look at both objects that are loved and objects that we usually ignore so much that I felt compelled to share it in a blog post and build on the grounding techniques—which it feels like most of us could use more of these days—that I offered in my last blog. If you missed it, check out Mindfulness & Grounding Techniques: Bring Yourself Back To The Safety Of The Present Moment.
