Foster a Kind and Supportive Connection with Yourself and Others
If you’ve struggled with codependency, attachment issues, unfulfilling relationship patterns, or feeling disconnected from yourself and/or others, you’re not alone.
Maybe you find yourself in the same painful cycles—clinging, withdrawing, overgiving or distrusting. Perhaps you fear being ‘too much’ or ‘not enough,’ experience loneliness even when in connection, or feel the exhaustion of always trying to “be okay.”
It could also be that you’ve done a lot of inner work, but something still feels tender and unfinished, and you feel a longing to feel truly connected—to others and also to yourself
Our struggles with connection are often rooted in early attachment wounds. They live in the body and in the nervous system, as well as in the stories we’ve learned to tell ourselves about what we’re allowed (or not allowed) to need, feel or want.
Secure attachment therapy offers a path to explore unwanted attachment cycles and help you connect with your own inner source of steadiness and care. Together, we identify the roots of insecure attachment and begin the process of healing—from the inside out.
Understanding Attachment
Our need for connection is part of what makes us human. From infancy to old age, we long for bonds that feel safe, steady and attuned.
Attachment theory, developed by British psychoanalyst John Bowlby, explains how our early caregiving relationships shape the way we connect with others—and with ourselves. While Bowlby chose to use the more clinical word “attachment,” at its heart, Bowlby was talking about love. He was referring to the quality of connection between two people, and the emotional blueprints that form from our earliest bonds.
At its core, secure attachment is a felt sense of safety—both with others and within yourself. It means being able to trust and be trusted. To connect and be close without losing yourself.
But for many of us, that kind of relationship hasn’t always been available. We may have grown up with unpredictability, criticism, enmeshment or emotional distance. We learned to cope in ways that helped us survive then, but may now be keeping us stuck.
When we don’t feel securely attached, it can feel like something is wrong with us. We may feel ashamed, unseen, or chronically on edge. We may struggle with people-pleasing, codependency, or a harsh inner critic. Or we may feel numb, withdrawn, or emotionally shut down.
Many of us were also taught—explicitly or implicitly—to self-abandon. To disconnect from our own needs, sensations, and inner wisdom in order to keep the peace or survive. You may have learned to dismiss your feelings or shape-shift to avoid conflict. Over time, that distance from ourselves can create anxiety, depression, chronic stress, or a deep sense of loneliness.
Understanding Insecure Attachment Styles
Insecure attachment styles generally present as:
Anxious attachment: Clinging and seeking constant reassurance. You may find yourself monitoring others, craving closeness and tying your worth to being wanted.
Avoidant attachment: Guarding and valuing self-reliance over vulnerability. You may find yourself distancing, suppressing needs and fearing intimacy.
Disorganized attachment: Longing for connection and fearing it at the same time. This push-pull dynamic often feels confusing, both for us and those we’re in relationship with. You may find yourself wanting love and also fearing it, living in relational chaos.
These attachment patterns don’t just stay in childhood. They continue to shape our relationships, self-image, and emotional lives for decades. However, whatever your style, these patterns are not permanent. They are learned. And what is learned can be gently unlearned, nurtured and healed.
Secure Attachment Therapy
We often think of attachment as something we do with others, but the most foundational and intimate relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. When that inner connection is shaky, the rest of life can feel unstable.
In secure attachment therapy, we begin the process of developing a felt-sense of safety and nurturing a secure attachment to self—forming a steady, warm and trustworthy inner connection that becomes your safe haven. In sessions, you’ll meet and develop your inner nurturer—the part of you that offers compassion instead of criticism and curiosity instead of judgment and shame. This work is not about fixing. Rather it’s about learning to tend to and honor your own needs and how to gently stay with yourself through fear, grief, longing and joy.
Secure attachment therapy is especially beneficial if you’ve experienced:
Codependency or enmeshment
Relational trauma or emotional neglect
Chronic anxiety, perfectionism or self-abandonment
A Healing Path Rooted in Presence and Compassion
In our work together, I offer a warm, grounded therapeutic relationship rooted in over three decades of clinical experience, and we work with a mindfulness-based approach, drawing from Buddhist psychology, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), trauma-informed therapy, and attachment therapy, as well as the latest in neuroscience and Western psychotherapy.
Through this work, you’ll gently begin to:
Understand and unwind attachment patterns
Cultivate the inner nurturer as a steady, kind and wise internal guide
Stay present with yourself when distress arises
Practice seeing yourself clearly—without judgment
Rewire your brain and nervous system for safety, trust and connection
Instead of reacting, you’ll learn to pause, breathe, soften and stay with yourself and present with what is occurring in the moment. We bring attention to the thoughts, feelings and sensations that arise in moments of relational stress—then respond with curiosity instead of reactivity.
These practices help cultivate what Buddhist psychology calls Wise View—a broader, more compassionate lens through which to be with your experience. Over time, you develop the capacity to hold both pain and possibility with tenderness and perspective.
And, as your secure base within strengthens, your external relationships also begin to change.
You may find yourself:
Able to recognize your attachment patterns with compassion and clarity
More grounded and calm during moments of uncertainty
Able to say no without guilt—and yes with full presence
At ease in your body and more trusting of your intuition
Open to deeper intimacy, without the fear of losing yourself
No longer chasing or avoiding love
Communicating needs with clarity and calm
Free to live, love and speak from wholeness rather than wounds
But, this work isn’t just about improving relationships. It’s about returning to the truth of who you are—whole, worthy, and deeply capable of both giving and receiving love.
Let’s Connect
If you’re seeking a steadier relationship with yourself, a calmer and more regulated nervous system, and healthier relationships with the people in your life, you don’t have to walk this path alone.
Together, we begin this gentle, transformative work—one breath, one moment at a time. We’ll move at your pace, with compassion and care, as you begin cultivating a kind and supportive inner friendship with yourself that supports you in building relationships with others that feel safe, mutual and nourishing.
If you feel drawn to this work and live in Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York or Virginia, please reach out to schedule an initial call to connect. We can discuss your needs and goals, and I’m happy to answer any questions you have about secure attachment therapy and my practice. All work is done online from a space that you feel comfortable in. You can learn more about the process on my online therapy page.
If you reside outside of any of the states listed above, yet feel drawn to engaging in this work, please reach out directly. We can discuss how I can help you as a mindfulness coach to cultivate a secure attachment with yourself through a deepening of mindfulness and meditation practices, as well as potentially incorporate Buddhist wisdom into your life in both practical and creative ways.