February 2023 Newsletter
Grow Your Inner Wisdom… In the Midst of it All
“Like a caring mother, holding and guarding the life of her only child,
so with a boundless heart of loving kindness,
hold yourself and all beings as your beloved children.”
-The Buddha
In the bimonthly online donation-based meditation class that I facilitate (join us if you’re interested!), this month's theme was on relationships—the relationships we have with others, the relationship that we have with the world and, as a specific focus, the relationship that we have with ourselves.
The quality of the relationships we have with others begins with the relationship that we have and continue to cultivate with ourselves. In Western culture, the inner critic in most people runs rampant, and our internal dialogues are often downright mean, if not abusive. Rather than talk to ourselves in loving, supportive and compassionate ways, we often focus on our faults, the places that we "failed" and all that is "wrong" with us, believing that this forceful language will motivate us to up-level our experience, accomplish more and live a "better" life. But all this unkind self-talk really does is put us into a perpetual shame cycle, negatively affecting how we feel about ourselves and how we relate to the people and world around us.
In the two blogs I wrote this month, Tips & A Guided Meditation To Feel Into The Good That Resides Inside And Foster Meaningful And Mindful Relationships and Strengthen Your Inner Nurturer: Insight & A Guided Meditation For Self-Love And Deepening Relationship With Self, I delve into buddha nature (the innate goodness that each of us holds within) and the importance of developing safe and secure relationships. The focus is on how to foster and strengthen your inner nurturer so you can resource yourself with compassion rather than criticism, help rather than harm and empathy over ego.
The inner nurturer, which we strengthen through practice, is there to encourage and help us believe in ourselves. It’s there to support you through challenges. It’s there to celebrate your successes. It’s there to empathize with you when things aren’t going so well. And, it’s there to offer compassion when you’re in pain. Essentially, the inner nurturer is there to remind each of us that we’re doing our best, with what we have, right where we are.
Please check out the blogs and the guided meditations that accompany both, which were designed to support you in connecting with your buddha nature and strengthening your inner nurturer.
When we're better resourced with inner kindness, we're much more likely to be able to show up for and be present with the people in our lives. We're also more likely to insist on cultivating relationships that encourage mindful and heartful connection.
If the idea of buddha nature and/or an inner nurturer feels odd, discordant or out of reach for you, please know that many people have the same reaction at first. Our Western culture does not really teach or encourage us to be kind or tender to our own selves. If this is the case for you, try as best you can to notice the pull back and perhaps view any resistance or hesitation as fertile ground for more investigation and practice. It might also be that there is an awareness of this part of self already, yet it could feel elusive and/or hard to open further. The main thing is to invite yourself to be interested in whatever comes up and to hold lightly the aspiration for inner kindness rather than striving for perfection.
Thank you for your presence—I’m so happy that you are here!
May you be filled with warmth and kindness.
May you be healthy and safe.
May your heart know peace.
Warm blessings,
Karen
Mitta ~ Friend
Full of trust you left home,
and soon learned to walk the Path—
making yourself a friend to everyone
and making everyone a friend.
When the whole world is your friend,
fear will find no place to call home.
And when you make the mind your friend,
you’ll know what trust
really means.
Listen.
I have followed this Path of friendship to
its end.
And I can say with absolute certainty—
it will lead you home.
—The First Free Women: Poems of the Early Buddhist Nuns
By Matty Weingast, page 11
READ...
A recent NYT's article, How the Language of Therapy Took over Dating, author Dani Bloom explores a shift in dating trends. These days, singles are more apt to seek out partners who have emotionally maturity, can process feelings and are "doing the work." It appears that working on becoming the best version of yourself and communicating vulnerably is the new sexy in the dating world today!
READ…
As many of you know, I love the work of Dr. Rick Hanson. He recently released a book called Making Great Relationships: Simple Practices For Solving Conflicts, Building Connection And Fostering Love. Grounded in brain science, psychology and wisdom, Rick offers 50 valuable skills/practices to help you better relate and connect with all of the people in your life.
LISTEN…
I'm also deeply inspired by the work of Tara Brach. I highly recommend listening to Tara's talk, Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness—The Power of Self-Nurturing. In it, Tara speaks about utilizing meditation practice as a way to process trauma, dissolve shame and reclaim wholeness while transforming wounds into a gateway for love, healing and freedom.
In addition to this newsletter, I offer an online, donation-based meditation class/guided practice every other Monday night 7:30-8:30pm EST in a relaxed and warm setting on Zoom. The only requirement is an interest in increasing mindful awareness and skills through practice and growing your inner wisdom. If you’re interested in beginning, reconnecting with or deepening your meditation practice in community, we’d love for you to join us! Get more details and register here.
Dr. Karen Walant has been a practicing psychotherapist for almost three decades and holds a MSW and PhD in Clinical Social Work from New York University. Karen supervises other clinicians in private practice and has given lectures around the country on issues related to attachment, mindfulness, meditation, addiction and recovery; deepening the therapeutic relationship, parenting with kindness and fostering compassionate relationships. She is the author of Creating the Capacity for Attachment: Treating Addictions and the Alienated Self. A long-time meditator, Karen is also a 2021 graduate of the 2-year Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training Program (taught by meditation experts Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield), is certified as a Mindfulness Meditation Mentor, and is certified as a Level I Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) Teacher through Brown University.