Are you struggling in any of your relationships? Feeling silenced or unsupported? Worried or confused?
“Every one of us is trying to find our true home. Some of us are still searching. Our true home is inside, but it’s also in our loved ones around us. When you’re in a loving relationship, you and the other person can be a true home for each other.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh, How to Love
Perhaps you agonize over whether or not to leave your marriage. Or maybe, even though you left your childhood home years ago, you are having difficulty with unreasonable demands from your parents. Maybe you wonder how to best support your child, who is struggling academically, socially and/or emotionally. Perhaps you’d like to help your child learn to communicate better, without resorting to shame or anger. Or, are you having difficulty riding the line between supporting and enabling a struggling loved one? It might be that you wonder why you can’t find or sustain a lasting relationship. Maybe you’re afraid of being alone, which keeps you locked in a troublesome and conflictual situation. Or, you constantly ruminate upon past mistakes and regrets, unsure of how to move forward with new and current relationships.
Do you wish your partner, friends and family members could truly see you, listen to you and love you?
It may be that you regularly feel misunderstood or unnoticed by the person or people you love. Or maybe you feel trapped in an unhappy or unsatisfying marriage and don’t know what to do next. Perhaps you and your partner have decided to stay together for the kids’ sake, but one or both of you continues to feel resentment, sadness or anger toward the other. Maybe you’re trying to support a member of the family who is struggling with addiction issues, or is highly narcissistic, but feel yourself being pulled under by the weight of codependency. Following a divorce, it may be that you’re struggling to adjust to life alone or need help getting back on the dating scene. Perhaps you would like to finally be able to set healthy boundaries and establish a loving, respectful and mutually satisfying romantic relationship. Essentially, do you long to be loved for being just who you are? Do you wish to know how to assert and express your inner voice? Would you like to have more authentic and genuine intimacy with those who are most important to you?
Everybody Experiences Relationship Stress
While deeply rewarding, relationships are notoriously complex. Whether romantic, platonic or familial, there is always a balancing act between retaining independence and feeling connected to the other person. Often, it can be difficult to know when to be assertive and when to give in to another’s wishes. For many, even identifying what is keeping them in unfulfilling relationships can be tricky. With so many factors that influence relationships, many people struggle to see their relationship patterns clearly. And, everyone struggles at some point. It’s often hard to know if a relationship can be saved or if it would be better to walk away. Many marriages benefit from a process of reassessment over time, and, similarly, many parent/child relationships need to be tweaked so as to deepen understanding and connection. The same can be said for relationships that become muddied as a result of addiction or other codependency issues.
The good news is that there is help and hope for fostering loving, connected and balanced relationships in your life. An experienced, understanding relationship therapist can help you develop ways to listen and be supportive in relationships, work through blocks and barriers, and feel more fulfilled, loved and enriched.
Relationship Counseling Can Provide You With Support, Skills And A New Path Forward
Relationship counseling can be a highly effective, clarifying, healing and empowering process that can help you tap into your innate wisdom, deepen awareness and develop the insight and tools needed to enrich your relationships. Through marriage or family counseling, you can learn skills and techniques that can impact all of your relationships, including the often-overlooked relationship you have with yourself. By learning to silence your inner critic and reduce shame or self-doubt, you can change your internal experience of yourself and, therefore, change your relationship with others. This approach, by essentially learning to be a good friend to yourself, can dramatically improve your connections to those around you and help you enjoy your life more fully.
Assessment-Phase of Your Relationship Struggles
In the comfortable, confidential space of relationship therapy sessions, which I conduct in person as well as over the phone and/or video calling, I’ll guide you and your partner through a three-part process to improve your relationship. You’ll first enter into an assessment period, where you’ll observe your interactions and grow in self-awareness. Then, you’ll work on building inner resources and applying your new interpersonal skills to your existing situation. And lastly, you both will honestly assess what has been the result of the skill-building and self-discovery period.
This continued cycle of assessment, application and reassessment helps build relationship bridges. It will either strengthen your relationship by restoring a healthy path towards reconnection, or it will enrich you with the strength to take a path out of the relationship when the time is right. This assessment period can last as long as you need, which removes the pressure of making any immediate decisions about the future. No matter which path is best for you, I can help you learn to build independence, improve communication skills, manage anger and disappointment, and grow your inner resources so that you can effectively foster all the relationships you’re in.
Having over 25 years of experience, I am compassionate in both relationship therapy and applying attachment theory to your particular situation. My book on the healing power of connection, Creating the Capacity for Attachment, was a pioneer in its field, and I have lectured at the Harvard Addictions Conference along with many other venues in the United States. Drawing from years of experience understanding the complex dynamics of marriage, divorce and parenting, I bring a wealth of knowledge encompassing many different modalities and theories, which I will use to tailor a therapy strategy that best supports your needs and relationship goals.
With my guidance and support, you can learn to better manage the role you play in relationships. You can become more knowledgeable about what triggers tension and interpersonal stress, learn to articulate your dreams, hopes and desires, and become comfortable being vulnerable with those you love.
It is possible to become the person you want to be, in the relationships you want to be in.
Self-Discovery and Inner Growth
Throughout the assessment process, I’ll help you uncover your own truth and embrace what you most want at this time in your life. I can provide you with feedback and practical suggestions to help you better navigate your unique situation, fine-tuning as you continue to assess. Gaining a better understanding of your relationship(s) and increasing resilience, self-confidence, determination, self-compassion and self-acceptance, you can begin to quiet your inner critic and learn to trust your own innate wisdom. We can use role-playing as needed, as well as coaching and specific techniques, such as dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills and Rick Hanson’s HEAL positive neuroplasticity strategies, which you can practice in and out of sessions. You will learn how to be more compassionate towards yourself and others, and grow in your ability to communicate and empathize in your relationships.
Some kinds of people and relationships I have experience in helping:
Adults and adult parents
Parents and children
Romantic partners, married and unmarried
Couples seeking premarital counseling
Recently divorced couples/individuals
Codependent individuals
Relationships where alcohol or personality disorders are prevalent
You still may have questions and concerns about relationship counseling…
I want to improve my relationships, but feel shame for struggling.
By stepping into my office or connecting via phone, video call, or email, you are on the pathway to beginning to change your life. The first step towards change is awareness. Following the clear insight you now have that something has to change, making that next step into acceptance of the need for change will assist you in taking action – in pushing fear to the side. Once you acknowledge that fear is a component of the desire for change, you can take charge of your life and make real, lasting improvements to your relationships.
I think I should be able to handle relationship struggles on my own.
While I support all efforts to handle life’s challenges on your own, having a coach or guide often streamlines the process, which can help you achieve clarity much more quickly. My role is to help facilitate you in helping yourself. We will become a team, working together to clarify what you need and how to get what you want most from your relationships.
I’m worried about the cost of relationship therapy, but I know a divorce will be more costly.
You’re right. The cost of relationship counseling pales in comparison to the cost of a divorce. And, even if you eventually do decide to divorce, couples who sit together and take time to learn about their relationship tend to have less conflict in the process, allowing mediation to be used instead of costly, antagonistic lawyers. And, in terms of both romantic and other types of relationships, time spent in therapy can bring increased love, happiness and contentment. You and your child/parent/sibling are worth the investment. The timeline of how many sessions you will need is flexible and individualized. You control the length and nature of your relationship counseling experience.
You Can Feel Supported And Secure In Your Relationships
If you’re ready to begin taking steps toward improving your relationship with yourself and others, I can help. Call 203-482-2402 or email kwalant@gmail.com today for a free 15-minute phone consultation in which I can answer any questions you may have about working with me. I look forward to our work together.